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Is Your Husband Upset About No Sex? Here's How to Fix It Without Guilt or Shame
First published Sept 17, 2023 - Updated Feb 3, 2025
Are you struggling with low libido in marriage?
If you're wondering, "How do I fix my sex drive as a woman?" or "What hormone imbalance causes low libido?"—you're not alone.
A peer-reviewed study from the Journal of Sexual Medicine (2022) found that hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD) affects approximately 10-15% of women worldwide. These issues can stem from various causes, including hormonal imbalances to psychological distress (Kingsberg et al., 2022).
The good news? THERE ISN'T ANYTHING WRONG WITH YOU!
You can restore intimacy in a way that feels natural and fulfilling. Keep reading to learn more!
What Is It Called When a Woman Has No Sex Drive?
A lack of sex drive is known as low libido or hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD). This condition can be either temporary or chronic, depending on its root causes.
✅ Common Causes of Low Libido in Women:
Hormone Imbalances: Fluctuations in estrogen, testosterone, and progesterone.
Relationship Issues: Emotional disconnect and unresolved resentment.
Stress & Anxiety: Elevated cortisol levels reduce sexual arousal (Bancroft et al., 2020).
Medications: Antidepressants, birth control, and blood pressure medications may play a role (Clayton et al., 2018).
Self-Esteem & Body Image: Low self-perception negatively impacts desire. Many women struggle with body image issues.
Physical Health Conditions: Chronic illnesses, thyroid disorders, and PCOS can all affect libido.
💡 It’s not just about wanting it more—it’s essential to understand the underlying cause!
What Hormone Imbalance Causes a Woman to Have No Sex Drive?
Hormones play a crucial role in influencing sexual desire. According to a 2023 review in Endocrine Reviews, hormonal imbalances can significantly affect a woman's libido.
🔹 Low Estrogen: Reduces vaginal lubrication and overall arousal.
🔹 Low Testosterone: Decreases motivation for sexual activity (Davis & Wahlin-Jacobsen, 2015).
🔹 High Cortisol (Stress Hormone): Suppresses both estrogen and testosterone.
🔹 Thyroid Dysfunction: It can affect mood, metabolism, and sexual desire (Kothari et al., 2021).
📌 When to Get Checked: If your libido has suddenly dropped or it is affecting your relationship, consider a hormonal panel test with your doctor.
How Relationship Issues Affect a Woman’s Sex Drive
A strong emotional connection is vital for boosting sexual desire. Research from Magnificent Sex by Peggy Kleinplatz, Ph.D. shows that women with deep emotional intimacy report higher levels of sexual satisfaction. On the flip side, unresolved relationship stress can suppress desire and lead to avoidance behaviors.
🔹 Emotional Disconnect: A lack of emotional connection makes responsive desire diminish (Nagoski, 2021).
🔹 Unresolved Resentment: Ongoing conflicts may result in withdrawal and a lack of interest in sex (Basson, 2018).
🔹 Poor Communication: Neglecting tough conversations reduces intimacy and connection (Muise et al., 2022).
🔹 Trust Issues: Feelings of betrayal or insecurity establish emotional barriers to physical intimacy (Mark et al., 2020).
📌 When to Address It: If intimacy feels forced, or resentment builds, consider couples therapy or open dialogue exercises to restore trust.
How Stress & Anxiety Lower Sexual Arousal
Stress significantly impacts libido. Research in the Journal of Sexual Medicine (2020) has shown that chronic stress results in increased cortisol, which inhibits sexual arousal and desire.
🔹 Increased Cortisol: Blocks estrogen and testosterone, reducing libido (Bancroft et al., 2020).
🔹 Fight-or-Flight Response: When stressed, the body prioritizes survival over intimacy (Basson, 2018).
🔹 Anxiety & Performance Pressure: Concerns about performance can trigger avoidance behavior (Kleinplatz et al., 2019).
🔹 Emotional Exhaustion: Mental overload creates barriers to relaxation and arousal (Nagoski, 2021).
📌 When to Address It: If stress adversely affects your daily life and relationship, consider stress management techniques, therapy, or relaxation exercises before seeking to enhance libido.
How Medications Impact Sexual Desire
Certain medications can lower libido by adjusting hormone levels or decreasing dopamine (the neurotransmitter associated with pleasure).
🔹 Antidepressants (SSRIs & SNRIs): These medications increase serotonin but can suppress dopamine, leading to reduced arousal and delayed orgasm (Clayton et al., 2018).
🔹 Birth Control Pills: These can lower free testosterone levels, which may decrease libido (Davis & Wahlin-Jacobsen, 2015).
🔹 Blood Pressure Medications: Some beta-blockers and diuretics reduce blood flow to the genitals, impacting arousal (Mark et al., 2020).
🔹 Opioids & Pain Medications: These suppress the central nervous system and can lead to a loss of sexual interest (Basson, 2018).
📌 When to Address It: If you believe a medication is affecting your libido, consult your doctor about alternative options or dosage adjustments.
How Self-Esteem & Body Image Affect Sexual Desire
A woman's perception of her body has a significant impact on sexual confidence and desire. Studies in the Journal of Sex Research (2021) indicate a strong correlation between negative body image and low libido.
🔹 Self-Criticism: Feelings of shame and dissatisfaction diminish sexual confidence (Pujols et al., 2021).
🔹 Avoidance Behavior: Women who feel unattractive tend to be less likely to initiate or enjoy sex (Nagoski, 2021).
🔹 Media & Unrealistic Standards: Exposure to idealized body types negatively affects sexual self-esteem (Fletcher, 2019).
🔹 Postpartum & Aging Concerns: Physical changes after childbirth or menopause can affect self-perception and intimacy (Brotto & Gorzalka, 2021).
📌 When to Address It: If your self-image affects intimacy, focus on self-compassion exercises, therapy, and body-positive practices.
How Physical Health Conditions Impact Libido
Underlying health conditions can disrupt hormones, blood flow, and nerve function—all essential for fostering sexual desire.
🔹 Chronic Illness (Diabetes, Heart Disease, Autoimmune Disorders): These conditions can affect energy levels, blood circulation, and nerve sensitivity, leading to decreased libido (Zhao et al., 2022).
🔹 Thyroid Disorders (Hypothyroidism, Hashimoto’s Disease): Thyroid hormone imbalances may cause fatigue, depression, and lowered arousal (Kothari et al., 2021).
🔹 Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS): Elevated androgen levels and insulin resistance can disrupt sexual response (Muise et al., 2022).
🔹 Pelvic Pain & Endometriosis: Persistent pain conditions can lead to discomfort during sex and reduce desire (Mark et al., 2020).
📌 When to Address It: If changes in libido align with new or worsening health symptoms, schedule a full medical checkup to rule out underlying issues.
🚀 Why This Matters
Addressing relationship issues, stress, medications, self-esteem, and health conditions is vital for restoring libido. Understanding that desire encompasses both physical and emotional elements empowers women to feel whole and not inadequate.
📩 Next Steps:
✔ Identify the factors that personally affect your libido.
✔ Discuss with your partner in a blame-free manner.
✔ Explore therapy, stress reduction, or medical solutions tailored to your unique needs.
Can a Lack of Sex Harm You?
While there’s no medical risk in abstaining from sex, an extended absence of intimacy can impact mental well-being and relationship satisfaction.
🛑 Potential Effects of Low Libido
Increased relationship tension & emotional disconnect (Mark et al., 2020).
Lower self-confidence due to reduced bonding (oxytocin deficiency).
Heightened stress levels alongside an increased risk of depression & anxiety.
Partner feelings of rejection, further complicating intimacy issues.
💡 Important: If you are perfectly content without sex, that's completely fine! But if it's leading to distress, proactively addressing it can help strengthen your connection.
How Do I Fix My Sex Drive as a Woman?
A 2021 study in Archives of Sexual Behavior revealed that addressing psychological, hormonal, and lifestyle factors can significantly enhance libido. Here are 15 evidence-based strategies to help you reconnect with desire naturally.
1️⃣ Address Relationship Issues First
A robust emotional connection greatly enhances sexual attraction (Basson, 2018).
2️⃣ Get Your Adrenaline Pumping
Engaging in exciting activities together (e.g., walks, dance, or exercise) boosts dopamine levels and attraction (Diamond, 2020).
3️⃣ Try Sensate-Focused Physical Intimacy
Non-goal-oriented touch alleviates anxiety and fosters connection (de Jong, 2021).
4️⃣ Rule Out Medical Causes
Check for hormonal imbalances, thyroid dysfunction, and vitamin deficiencies.
5️⃣ Work on Self-Confidence
Negative body image is linked to decreased sexual desire (Pujols et al., 2021).
6️⃣ Sleep in Separate Beds Temporarily
This can enhance sleep quality & libido (Zhao et al., 2022).
7️⃣ Change Your Routine To Lower Stress
Chronic stress is known to diminish testosterone levels and inhibit sexual desire (Bancroft et al., 2020).
8️⃣ Have More Fun Together
Playfulness and laughter enhance oxytocin production (Fletcher, 2019).
9️⃣ Talk Openly About Sex
A 2022 Journal of Marital Therapy study demonstrated that open communication regarding sex significantly boosts relationship satisfaction (Muise et al., 2022).
🔟 Consider Couples Therapy
If there are issues with resentment or avoidance, therapy can help rebuild your connection.
Understanding Your Husband’s Perspective
I often hear from women that they have no sex drive, and their husbands feel upset. Typically, it isn't just low libido that bothers them, but the absence of desire for improvement. If your husband feels rejected, he may see it as a reflection of his worthiness (Brotto & Gorzalka, 2021).
🟢 How to Approach the Conversation:
✔ Validate his feelings without assuming responsibility for them.
✔ Communicate that you’re actively addressing the issue—but you’ll need patience along the way.
✔ Establish realistic expectations—rejuvenating libido takes time.
📖 Explore ways to be a GREAT listener with the Gottman Relationship Guide linked below:
FAQs: What You Need to Know
I Have No Sex Drive and My Husband is Mad. Is It Normal to Not Want Sex?
Yes! Libido naturally fluctuates due to stress, health changes, hormonal shifts, and relationship dynamics.
Can a Marriage Survive Without Sex?
Yes—if both partners consent. Many couples often prioritize emotional intimacy over physical connections.
How Do I Get My Sex Drive Back Naturally?
Reduce stress & cortisol levels.
Improve communication & emotional connection with your partner.
Address any hormonal imbalances with medical assistance.
Experiment with sensate-focused intimacy.
Place priority on self-care & self-confidence.
About the Author
Terri Kern is a licensed clinical therapist and relationship coach focusing on adult ADHD, emotional regulation, intimacy issues, and marriage counseling. With over 10 years of experience, she has aided countless individuals and couples in overcoming intimacy challenges through evidence-based therapeutic approaches.
📌 Disclaimer
This article serves informational purposes only and should not substitute for professional medical or psychological advice. If you experience persistent symptoms, consult a healthcare provider or therapist.
🔹 Next Steps: Take Control of Your Sex Drive
📌 Here’s What to Do Now:
✔ Identify why your libido is low (whether hormonal, emotional, medical).
✔ Discuss this with your partner in a non-blame manner.
✔ Attempt evidence-based solutions like therapy, communication improvements, or hormone checks.
✔ Seek professional guidance when necessary.
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