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What's in this article:
What is Premarital Counseling?
Navigating the Challenges of Blending Two Independent Lives
What to Expect in Premarital Counseling
15 Premarital Counseling Questions
How Much Is Premarital Counseling?
Final Thoughts
Premarital counseling can help you examine your relationship before you tie the knot.
It's helpful to understand what topics might come up. We've put together a list of 15 questions to give you a sense of what you'll discuss in sessions.
Start your marriage with a deeper sense of understanding by creating structure around important communication.
First, let's explore what premarital counseling is and why it can be helpful.
What is Premarital Counseling?
Premarital counseling therapy helps couples prepare for marriage.
How?
Couples can address potential challenges, set realistic expectations, and develop communication skills. We achieve this through guided discussions.
It's best to start at least 8 - 10 weeks before the wedding. Doing so ensures a smooth transition into married life.
Studies show a considerably lower divorce rate among couples who complete premarital counseling.
WHAT?! It’s a no-brainer!
During counseling, couples will discuss their expectations and goals for marriage. Also, any concerns they may have about the relationship. Counseling can help couples resolve conflicts. A skilled couples counselor will carefully unzip and sort out all the “stuff.”
Also, premarital counseling helps couples to develop effective communication and conflict-resolution skills.
Skills that are important in helping couples navigate marriage's challenges. Preparation plays a key role in couples creating a lasting foundation to build upon.
15 Premarital Counseling Questions
If you've been with your partner for a while, marriage seems like the natural next step. Yet discussing your expectations about marriage and relationships may be difficult.
Here are a few examples of questions your counselor might ask:
What are your expectations for marriage?
Why do you want to get married?
What are your views on divorce?
Are there deal-breakers that would cause you to consider divorce?
How will you make major decisions in the relationship?
Household Expectations
If you and your fiance already live together, your life won't change too much after the wedding. Premarital counseling is an opportunity to discuss household expectations and money management.
Believe it or not, household issues are a common source of conflict. So it's helpful to nip these issues in the bud and reach a shared understanding before you tie the knot. Talking to your fiancé about these types of questions can help you:
6. What are your plans for money management?
7. How do you plan to divide household duties and responsibilities?
8. What are your housekeeping expectations or pet peeves?
Communication Habits
A healthy marriage is all about healthy communication.
Communication is a learned skill that requires care, practice, and intentionality. Learning skills for effective conflict resolution is important.
These types of questions will likely come up in premarital counseling:
9. How do you handle conflict in relationships?
10. What are your communication styles and love languages?
11. Do you feel comfortable discussing sex with each other? What would make you more comfortable?
Family Expectations
When you get married, your family grows. You blend families, and you might even start thinking about having kids of your own if you don't already.
So ensuring you're on the same page about children and parenting styles is critical. Concerns about issues related to in-laws are addressed. Here are a few sample questions to think about:
12. What are your plans for having children, if any?
13. If you’re in an interfaith marriage, how do you plan to navigate that with your kids?
14. Describe the parenting styles and philosophies in your families. What would you do differently than your parents?
15. How do you navigate your relationship with your parents? Is there any friction with your future in-laws?
Blending Two Independent Lives
A significant challenge a couple faces is blending two lives into a partnership.
It's common for individuals to find it challenging to transition into a shared life.
“Marriage is not a competition. Marriage is the completion of two souls.”
― Abhijit Naskar, Best Selling Author and Neuroscientist.
I encounter couples who have not discussed important things before marriage. This lack of communication can lead to unexpected conflicts down the road.
My job is to help couples identify strengths and areas for potential conflict. Let's explore some of the key areas that are particularly challenging:
Finances
Money matters are a top source of conflict in many marriages.
Two individuals come together and have different financial goals.
Open discussions about finances are crucial to ensure financial harmony in marriage.
Family Dynamics
Each partner brings their own family background and dynamics into the marriage.
Navigating relationships with in-laws and extended family members can be complex.
Couples may need to establish boundaries and communicate to address potential family-related stressors.
Outside Stressors
Life gives us external stressors, such as work pressures and health issues.
It's important for couples to support each other during difficult times, like a team.
Leisure Time
Personal interests and leisure activities are part of what makes us unique.
A balance between spending quality time together and respecting individual interests is important.
Balance can be a delicate dance in the early stages of marriage.
Household Responsibilities:
Dividing household responsibilities can be a source of contention if not addressed.
Couples should discuss their expectations about chores, roles, and responsibilities to prevent misunderstandings.
We explore these areas using in-depth assessments and guided discussions.
I foster open dialogue, active listening, and empathy-building exercises to help couples communicate.
Acknowledging potential challenges helps couples create a shared vision for their marriage.
Proactivity can equip couples with skills to navigate blending into a partnership.
Remember, it's normal for partners to face these challenges when merging their lives. Premarital counseling is an opportunity to identify potential areas of conflict.
What to Expect in Premarital Counseling
How Long Is Premarital Counseling?
Premarital counseling involves a structured process aimed at preparing couples for marriage.
The first four meetings focus on a comprehensive understanding of the relationship.
Session 1: The "Meet and Greet"
The first session serves as a "meet and greet" , allowing me, to establish rapport with the couple.
I aim to create a safe space to share their history, concerns, and goals.
It's a chance for the couple to get to know me and for me to ensure that I'm the right fit for their counseling needs.
During this session, I observe the couple's communication patterns and dynamics. This lays the groundwork for the counseling approach and the unique needs of the couple.
Session 2: Individual Exploration and Assessment
The second session consists of two one-on-one sessions. I meet with each partner to learn about families of origin and communication in the family home.
After, both partners complete The Gottman Relationship Checkup, a comprehensive assessment tool. The assessment delves into various aspects of the relationship:
friendship
intimacy
emotions
conflict
values
trust
parenting
housework
finances, and more.
The tool helps identify strengths and potential problem areas within the relationship.
Session 3: Collaborative Planning and Feedback
This session is a collaborative effort that focuses on the specific needs of the couple.
The couple takes part in shaping the direction of their counseling journey. We set goals for later sessions and start implementing interventions.
Sessions 4 - 8: Skill Development and Strengthening
Sessions 4 through 8 mark a crucial phase in premarital counseling. During this time, the focus shifts to skill development and relationship strengthening.
The interventions help couples talk about difficult topics in a more organized way. It helps couples understand and appreciate each other, their similarities and differences.
Following a structured process prepares couples to face challenges that lie ahead.
Did you know that you can still engage in couples counseling even if your partner doesn't? Learn more here.
How Much Is Premarital Counseling?
Premarital counseling is an investment in your relationship.
You will gain access to evidence-based interventions that build important skills.
The cost will vary based on location, counselor experience, and services offered.
I will use my fee structure to shed light on what to expect when considering the cost.
Fee Structure:
I offer premarital counseling at a per-session fee; $180 per 50-minute session.
What's Included:
You're not only paying for the face-to-face time with your therapist.
The fee encompasses a comprehensive package of services to support your relationship journey:
Face-to-Face Time
You receive dedicated guidance, support, and counseling from a board-certified professional.
This time allows for open and constructive discussions about your relationship.
Private Text Messaging
You have access to private messaging for just-in-time questions and concerns.
I provide guidance outside of the scheduled sessions, enhancing your support system.
Assigned Activities and Interventions
I assign activities and interventions tailored to your specific needs and goals.
Interventions deepen understanding, improve communication, and build a solid foundation for your marriage.
Instructions and Guidance:
I provide instructions on how to complete assigned activities and interventions.
This ensures that you can engage in the process and derive the greatest benefit.
Investing in counseling now will provide a strong base for the future.
Final Thoughts
I hope I answered your questions!
Are there any other questions you think are important to ask?
Share them with us in the comments below.
We hope this blog post helped prepare you for premarital counseling. If you’re looking for a premarital counselor in Ohio, Great Lakes Counseling can help. Contact us today for a no-obligation consultation.